http://www.girlshealth.gov/

Illness & disability

Home Illness & disability Relationships Dating

Dating

As a young woman, thinking about dating and romance is normal. Having an illness or disability doesn’t change this. Young women with illnesses and disabilities have romantic relationships and get married just like others do. And, just like everyone else, they worry about how they look and whether or not someone will like them. It’s just a part of growing up!

The challenges of dating

Dating can be awkward at first for anybody. But having an illness or disability can bring special worries. Holding hands or kissing someone when you are in a wheelchair can be difficult to manage. While many people use eye contact to flirt, you might have to rely on other senses if you can’t see. Or, you might feel uncomfortable about wearing an insulin pump if you have diabetes. Although you may wish that you didn't have to deal with these issues, they don't change who you are or your chances of dating and having a romantic relationship.

What can I do?

First, don't start dating just because you think that everyone else is doing it. Not everyone is emotionally ready to start dating at the same age. If you think you are ready (and your parents or guardian allow you), here are some things you can do to overcome the challenges you might face as a young woman with an illness or disability.

Helpful tips:

• Try to see yourself as the likable person you are!
• Have a good attitude and show people you are comfortable with your illness or disability.
• If people are not treating you well, know that the problem is not you but the bad attitudes of others.
• Getting involved at school and in your community will help you feel good about yourself. It is also a good way to meet people.
• Take time to care for your body. Here are some tips.
• If you feel nervous around others, think of some things to talk about beforehand. Try focusing on interests you might have in common with people in your classes, like music or movies.
• If getting around town is hard, invite people over to your house to hang out.

If anyone makes you feel uncomfortable because of the way he or she touches you, make sure you tell your parents, guardian, or another adult you trust.

Read about real life dating and how to have healthy and safe relationships.

Also, you should know how to protect both your feelings and your health when it comes to sex. Having sex or doing other sexual acts does not make people like you more. It also won’t make you feel like you are "just like everyone else." Having sex puts you at risk of getting diseases called sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as chlamydia and HPV.

One last thing to keep in mind: Breakups and broken hearts are a reality of dating. If somebody you like no longer has the same feelings for you, don’t assume that your illness or disability is the reason. Lots of time, a person can’t give a “good reason” for feeling — or not feeling — a certain way. Getting over a breakup is hard and takes time. Try not to take it personally. So the next time somebody new gets your attention, you’ll be ready to try dating again.

Content last updated October 21, 2009

top